The Most Reverend and Right Honourable Dr. Rowan Williams

The Lord Archbishop of Canterbury

Lambeth Palace

London

SE1 7JU   

                                                                                        

Your Grace,

 

Wow, what a long title, you have.  I nearly had to buy a new toner cartridge just to print it out.  I hope I got it right as it can be so easy to upset people, although I suspect that tolerance being a virtue it's probably something you possess in spades.  Anyway, I don't suppose that happens very often and you probably console yourself with a spot of Morris dancing or Folk singing if it does.

 

As more of the population now believes in ghosts than God and attendances are at a low ebb, can I suggest a bit of a wheeze that will bring people pouring in through the door.  I have recently formed an organisation that will restore the Bayeux Tapestry to its rightful home – England.  After all, the Nuns of Canterbury, their fingers red-raw from breakneck embroidery under the Norman yoke, sewed it in the first place.  I'd like to think of myself as the Melina Mercouri of the Canterbury tapestry.

 

Now, if we got it back you could hang it somewhere appropriate.  Canterbury Cathedral sounds a good choice.  Loads of people will flock in and look at it and you can probably fiddle the Church statistics to pretend that they are worshippers rather than sightseers – after all the Government's number-crunchers do something similar with NHS.  However, if we do manage to persuade our Gallic neighbours to part with their embroidery, maybe the fragrant Mrs. Corder and I could borrow it for a couple of months each year to display in our front room as our pensions aren't going to be too great and could do with a boost.

 

Do let me know what you think of this idea.  I think it has “jambes” as the French say, but like the Government, I could do with some support from the House of Lords.

 

PS       I understand that I also have to ask your permission to read the letters of the Marquis de Sade.  It's not that I do, it's just I wonder if I could ask at the same time as it will save me the cost of a stamp.

The Archbishop has asked me to write thanking you for your letter ... and to reply.

There is certainly a school of thought that believes that the Bayeux Tapestry was made in England, though my understanding is that no-one can be certain about its origins.  Having the Tapestry moved to England is not something that the Archbishop would see as a priority.

I do not know why you think you need the Archbishop of Canterbury's permission to read the letters of the Marquis de Sade.  Surely being given permission to do so would deprive you of much of the pleasure.