I am led to believe that you have a copy of the Bayeux Tapestry and I wonder if you might be interested in adding to your collection.

Next summer, I intend to tour Normandy with my trusty ukulele, warbling away in the footsteps of William the Conqueror as an act of revenge for his unwarranted invasion of 1066.  My wife is a keen embroiderer and plans to record my tour in silks on a panel some 20 metres long and forty centimetres wide.  I know this isn’t as big as yours, but as a ukulele-player I am aware that size isn’t everything.

Now, I understand that the women of Leek (a town not far from here) left off some of the naughty bits when they did the tapestry.  We intend to spice ours up as my two assistants Laetitia and Nigella are most obliging girls who also bat left-handed, as it were, which would provide for greater variety than the kind of man-on-woman action that you get in the original.  We would be happy to send you some preliminary sketches of the central panels and some Polaroids that we could use as a basis for the decorative edges.

Reading is already a decent sort of place – a kind of Slough with electricity – and I just think that this addition to your collection would help to put the town on the map.

As I have to be in the area in a few weeks, in order to make a delivery of wormcasts to Pangbourne, I could call into your office to discuss the space that you would be able to offer my project.  Shall we say Monday the 19^th at about 2.30?

 I’d love to hear what you think of the idea and look forward to your reply.